No is No

My son's 6th grade class recently attended a two night field trip at a local YMCA Camp. The field trip, called Outdoor Ed, is an opportunity to bond with classmates and apply some of their academics in a setting away from school.

As you can imagine, this adventure can be filled with drama. One of my friends attended this year as a volunteer nurse. It was her job to administer allergy medicine, tend to scrapes, falls, headaches etc. She was also one of the cabin chaperones. Wow! My friend is a saint, in case you were wondering.

Yesterday, as we gathered at the pool for the opening day of the season, my friend told us some of the tales of Outdoor Ed dating. There is a dance one night, and many of the kids had dates. This applied more in theory than practice. Many of the kids with dates didn't even speak to their dates, let alone dance with them. The question arose about what to do if someone you didn't like asked you to dance. My friend told the girls they could say no, but they needed to be polite about it.

My son had some issues with a girl earlier this year. He did not return her feelings and she enlisted friends to bombard him with questions about why for several weeks. His father and I told him to respond to the girls in the same way my friend told the girls to respond to the boys. Say no, but be nice.

Sadly, this didn't work for my son. The situation escalated to the point that one of the friends told him they would not leave him alone until he apologized. Evidently his politely worded rejection caused the girl who liked him to cry.

To make a long story short, guidance counselor contacted, girls spoken to about degrees of bullying, apologies issued, situation resolved.

No is no, regardless of the gender of the issuer. A boy should be able to say no to a girl without fear of reprisal as should a girl. We must teach our children to respect this word now, while they are in middle school or even younger. As they age and their relationships become more complex, "no" becomes something that, if not respected, has much more grave consequences.

Enjoy your day.