I hope this is my last post on sexting. I have spent the week reading blogs that mention sexting and there are a couple of main themes that keep surfacing, one is that our kids' futures will be destroyed if someone sends them a picture and the other one is that there is so little we can do because our kids are so much more savvy than we are when it comes to technology.
I am astounded at the lack of parenting both these themes represent. I mentioned before, and I've spent the week commenting on other blogs, call your cell phone provider! You can turn off text messaging and picture messaging. You can limit the time of day your child uses their phone. You can limit to and from whom your child receives calls. Concerned your child will be a social outcast? Then maybe you should stop trying to be their friend and start being their parent. I spoke to a friend this week and she told me that her daughter's new boyfriend doesn't have text messaging so instead of spending their time apart texting back and forth, they talk. My friend said her daughter has a better relationship with this boy because he understands her better. He understands what the inflections in her voice mean. There is a benefit to encouraging our children to communicate old school.
As for the general lack of understanding of technology, you better start learning. My first grader did a report on dinosaurs and used the computer to do research. If you have wi-fi in your home, your video game systems probably connect to the internet. Your kids can play their games with friends and they can also play with people they don't know. It is up to you to control these devices. In coming posts I will provide information on how to set controls on various game systems, explain more about My Space, Facebook, file sharing etc.
It isn't up to the police or the schools to educate our kids on the dangers of the internet, etc. It's our job as their parents. I'm happy to help you as a source of information.
Enjoy your day.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
More on Sexting
Dr. Phil had an excellent show on last week that addressed the issue of sexting. He spoke to members of two families impacted by the issue. I didn't see the whole show, but I saw the father of a boy who is facing charges for forwarding a picture he received. The father stated that it is the responsibility of parents, schools and the cell phone providers to do something about this issue.
I live in Howard County, MD and the police sent an alert about sexting to parents of middle and high school students. They also prepared a PSA that was shown to high school students. In Fairfax County, VA, there will be a forum tonight to help educate families on what they can do to protect their children from falling into the sexting trap.
When: Monday, April 20, 7-9 p.m.
Where: Kingstowne Library, 6500 Lansdowne Centre, Alexandria
More information: 703-246-3271
Cell Phone Companies Provide Solutions, Too
After the father on Dr. Phil mentioned cell phone providers, I became curious about exactly what companies like Verizon, AT&T and Sprint are doing to combat this issue. I called Verizon and spoke to an incredibly knowledgeable woman. While Verizon doesn't provide educational materials on teen cell phone use, they do have an incredible range of usage controls. Simply put, you can pretty much turn your kid's phone into a paperweight. For a fee of $4.99 a month, you can limit all features, including picture and text messaging, Internet use, who your child can call and receive calls from, times they can use their phones. The list is limited to your imagination. I checked with Sprint and AT&T and they also have many parental control features.
The solution is in our hands as parents. There are many scary stories that you can share with your teens on the consequences of sexting. The cell phone companies make it very easy to control how your child uses their phone, but you do have to take the time to put the controls in place. My phone-free 12 year old heard me talking to Verizon and asked me if I was going to limit the way he used his phone (when he gets one) and I told him I was. Of course he looked annoyed until I asked him a few questions. Earlier this year, he was the subject of some unwanted attention from a female classmate. I asked him if he wanted that classmate calling him dozens of times a day and sending him pictures of herself in underwear or less. He replied emphatically, "NO!" I then told him that is exactly why his usage would be limited. He was truly relieved.
I urge you to look into these controls for your kids' phones. Our kids may spin circles around us when it comes to their knowledge of electronic media, but they do not yet have the life experience to understand the responsibility that comes with that knowledge, or the possible consequences of inappropriate use.
I live in Howard County, MD and the police sent an alert about sexting to parents of middle and high school students. They also prepared a PSA that was shown to high school students. In Fairfax County, VA, there will be a forum tonight to help educate families on what they can do to protect their children from falling into the sexting trap.
When: Monday, April 20, 7-9 p.m.
Where: Kingstowne Library, 6500 Lansdowne Centre, Alexandria
More information: 703-246-3271
Cell Phone Companies Provide Solutions, Too
After the father on Dr. Phil mentioned cell phone providers, I became curious about exactly what companies like Verizon, AT&T and Sprint are doing to combat this issue. I called Verizon and spoke to an incredibly knowledgeable woman. While Verizon doesn't provide educational materials on teen cell phone use, they do have an incredible range of usage controls. Simply put, you can pretty much turn your kid's phone into a paperweight. For a fee of $4.99 a month, you can limit all features, including picture and text messaging, Internet use, who your child can call and receive calls from, times they can use their phones. The list is limited to your imagination. I checked with Sprint and AT&T and they also have many parental control features.
The solution is in our hands as parents. There are many scary stories that you can share with your teens on the consequences of sexting. The cell phone companies make it very easy to control how your child uses their phone, but you do have to take the time to put the controls in place. My phone-free 12 year old heard me talking to Verizon and asked me if I was going to limit the way he used his phone (when he gets one) and I told him I was. Of course he looked annoyed until I asked him a few questions. Earlier this year, he was the subject of some unwanted attention from a female classmate. I asked him if he wanted that classmate calling him dozens of times a day and sending him pictures of herself in underwear or less. He replied emphatically, "NO!" I then told him that is exactly why his usage would be limited. He was truly relieved.
I urge you to look into these controls for your kids' phones. Our kids may spin circles around us when it comes to their knowledge of electronic media, but they do not yet have the life experience to understand the responsibility that comes with that knowledge, or the possible consequences of inappropriate use.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Prescription Drug Abuse and Teens
Our kids are pretty smart. They've learned they don't need to head to the street to buy drugs. They can head right to the medicine cabinet in their own home. There are plenty of choices, all free! And kids perceive these drugs to be safe because they find them in their won homes. The pain medication you got after you threw out your back produces a great heroin-like high. The ADHD medication that little brother takes is a stimulant that can give you a ton of energy.
There are some pretty alarming statistics on the Partnership for a Drug Free America website.
There are some pretty alarming statistics on the Partnership for a Drug Free America website.
- 1 in 5 teens has abused a prescription (Rx) pain medication
- 1 in 5 report abusing prescription stimulants and tranquilizers
- 1 in 10 has abused cough medication
Gather a group of ten kids, or better yet, look at how many kids are on your son or daughter's soccer team, in their math class, etc. About 20? Four of those kids have abused prescription drugs and two of them have abused cough medicine.
Where do kids learn about this stuff? From each other. Check out YouTube. You will be horrified at the number of stupid things you can see kids doing. I've seen videos of kids sniffing chili powder, smoking smarties, and lighting hairspray on fire.
So what do parents do?
1. Talk to your kids about the dangers of abusing drugs of all kinds. Do it when a commercial about drug abuse comes on TV. Do it when they bring materials home from school. Do it when you see an article in the paper about a kid who died from abusing drugs. It won't be easy, but it's necessary. There are plenty of scripts available for you on the Internet if you can't figure out what to say.
2. Keep drugs in your home in a safe place. My mom used to lock the medicine cabinet in my childhood home. I'm not sure this is necessary. Just make sure these drugs aren't next to the plates in the cupboard or in a medicine cabinet in a bathroom guests use.
3. Educate yourself. This should probably be point one. Websites providing information on drug abuse are bountiful. Familiarize yourself with them. Know what your kids know. If you don't know where to start, go to this website. http://www.drugfree.org.
Last, here is a story that will help you understand how important it is that you educate yourself and your family about prescription drug abuse. To summarize, a 12 year old boy addresses his class about how it felt to lose his 18 year old brother to a drug overdose when he was 9. His brother was sold a fentanyl patch, a very strong pain medication in patch form used by cancer patients. The scary thing about fentanyl is that it's so strong, if you don't have pain issues, it will kill you. You guessed it. The boy died. Here is his brother's story. http://www.drugfree.org/Memorials/Josh_Pelick
Thanks for listening and keeping your family safe.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Video Game Ratings Decoded
I have been to pick up my son from friends homes and have been a little horrified to find them playing M rated video games. While part of me wants to let the parents know about the extensive information about video game ratings available to them on the ESRB website, I rarely do.
In this post, I will summarize the ratings process and explain the difference between the different video game ratings.
Before a video game is released for sale, the makers submit a sample of the game with all pertinent content (including content that can be unlocked) to the ESRB (Entertainment Software Ratings Board) for review. A panel of 3 trained reviewers who have some experience with children review the content. Similar games (like previous games with similar titles such as the Need for Speed series) are compared and a rating is assigned. The rating can be appealed by the manufacturer in which case, the process starts all over again.
Prior to a game being released for sale, the actual game must be reviewed by the ESRB to ensure that the real thing has been assigned the appropriate rating.
In addition to the RP (rating pending) designation, there are 6 ratings you may find on entertainment software.
First is EC, early childhood. This rating is usually on games intended for children 3 and older with absolutely nothing that anyone could find objectionable (Barney doesn't count).
Next is E. E games are for children 6 and older. There is usually a little bit of cartoon or fantasy violence and maybe some mild language. In my experience, the violence in these games usually involves someone falling down.
E-10 somes next, and are intended for kids 10 and up. E-10 games add a mildly suggestive themes and a bit more violence. Some of the car racing games my kids have are E-10. The suggestive themes include girls in tight clothing kissing boys on the cheek. The added violence is really very minor. In fact, it's so minor I can find no way to describe the difference.
T follows E-10. T games are for those 13 and older. Language gets stronger, violence often involves more realistic looking characters, and suggestive themes are a little more pronounced. Guitar Hero & Rock Band are both rated T due to the lyrics in the songs and the images of the musicians. The main difference I see between E-10 and T is that when characters fall, there is blood. I have allowed my 12 year old to play some T rated games. We have told him that we need to check them out before he buys them and that there is a chance some may still not be appropriate for him.
M is for players 17 and over. This is the R rating of the video game industry. Violence, suggestive themes, language are similar to what you may find in an R movie.
Finally, AO is for Adults Only. This is video game porn. If you have an adult in your home who plays video games, store them out of reach of children. Titles in this category have longer scenes of violence, sex, strong language and nudity.
The ESRB website has a ton of very cool information about games. You can search by title to get detailed information about games your family may own or your kids may want to own. You can also sign up for an email that will provide you with information on recently rated and released games. http://www.esrb.org
That's all for today. Make it a great one.
In this post, I will summarize the ratings process and explain the difference between the different video game ratings.
Before a video game is released for sale, the makers submit a sample of the game with all pertinent content (including content that can be unlocked) to the ESRB (Entertainment Software Ratings Board) for review. A panel of 3 trained reviewers who have some experience with children review the content. Similar games (like previous games with similar titles such as the Need for Speed series) are compared and a rating is assigned. The rating can be appealed by the manufacturer in which case, the process starts all over again.
Prior to a game being released for sale, the actual game must be reviewed by the ESRB to ensure that the real thing has been assigned the appropriate rating.
In addition to the RP (rating pending) designation, there are 6 ratings you may find on entertainment software.
First is EC, early childhood. This rating is usually on games intended for children 3 and older with absolutely nothing that anyone could find objectionable (Barney doesn't count).
Next is E. E games are for children 6 and older. There is usually a little bit of cartoon or fantasy violence and maybe some mild language. In my experience, the violence in these games usually involves someone falling down.
E-10 somes next, and are intended for kids 10 and up. E-10 games add a mildly suggestive themes and a bit more violence. Some of the car racing games my kids have are E-10. The suggestive themes include girls in tight clothing kissing boys on the cheek. The added violence is really very minor. In fact, it's so minor I can find no way to describe the difference.
T follows E-10. T games are for those 13 and older. Language gets stronger, violence often involves more realistic looking characters, and suggestive themes are a little more pronounced. Guitar Hero & Rock Band are both rated T due to the lyrics in the songs and the images of the musicians. The main difference I see between E-10 and T is that when characters fall, there is blood. I have allowed my 12 year old to play some T rated games. We have told him that we need to check them out before he buys them and that there is a chance some may still not be appropriate for him.
M is for players 17 and over. This is the R rating of the video game industry. Violence, suggestive themes, language are similar to what you may find in an R movie.
Finally, AO is for Adults Only. This is video game porn. If you have an adult in your home who plays video games, store them out of reach of children. Titles in this category have longer scenes of violence, sex, strong language and nudity.
The ESRB website has a ton of very cool information about games. You can search by title to get detailed information about games your family may own or your kids may want to own. You can also sign up for an email that will provide you with information on recently rated and released games. http://www.esrb.org
That's all for today. Make it a great one.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sexting and Teens
According to my 12 year old, he is the only child his age in the world who doesn't have a cell phone. A slight exaggeration at best. While statistics on cell phone use among those 11 and up are not easy to find, you simply need to look around you to see that most middle school and high school students have cell phones. They report that their phones are important way to stay connected to friends, mostly via texting. Some parents report too, that they have learned to embrace texting as a way to stay in touch with their kids. They even like that they feel cool staying connected using this 21st century medium.
Of course, cameras on cell phones are pretty much standard today. I admit to loving the convenience of my cell phone camera. It's so much easier to take a picture with my cell phone, email to myself and then send it to friends and family than it is with my regular digital camera. Cell phone cameras are the polaroids of our kid's generation.
Sadly, our kids may understand the technology of the camera but they don't understand the legal issues that lurk behind them. I am referring to a practice called "sexting." Sexting is the practice of sending suggestive pictures around via cell phones, email and other social networking media (IE MySpace, FaceBook, etc). This may seem like a new rite of passage but many in the law enforcement community look on it in a different way. Case and point. A NJ girl was recently arrested after she posted naked pictures of herself on her MySpace page in order to impress her boyfriend. She is being charged with distributing child pornography.
Sexting must be taken seriously by everyone. Our children have a lot to lose by sending naked pictures back and forth and pretty much nothing to gain. Kids convicted of child pornography because of sexting can be required to register as sex offenders. This will limit their ability to attend college, get gainful employment, babysit, volunteer in schools or churches. The list is too long.
The ACLU is taking up the case of sexting. Hopefully this will encourage law enforcement to take a softer approach with kids who practice this act. But parents need to do something too. We need to talk to our kids and let them know that the consequences for this seemingly minor engagement can be dire. We need to make sure they let us know if they receive any of these pictures and make clear what we plan to do when given this information. Will you call the sender's parents and let them know what's happening? Will you inform the school so information can be distributed to the community at large? Will you simply have your child delete the message and thank them for their openness?
All of these actions are acceptable. Sexting may seem to be a stupid act used to get attention. I won't get into the emotional issues that would cause a middle school student to distribute naked pictures of themselves. I am concerned with the major snowball effect this highly stupid activity can put into motion. As put by the director of the Ohio chapter of the ACLU, Jeffrey Gamso "Children do foolish things, and the remedy for foolish things is not criminal action. The remedy for what is going on, sexting, is not criminal prosecution. It is not delinquency prosecution. The remedy for this is education."
I encourage you to be the first place your kids get that education.
Of course, cameras on cell phones are pretty much standard today. I admit to loving the convenience of my cell phone camera. It's so much easier to take a picture with my cell phone, email to myself and then send it to friends and family than it is with my regular digital camera. Cell phone cameras are the polaroids of our kid's generation.
Sadly, our kids may understand the technology of the camera but they don't understand the legal issues that lurk behind them. I am referring to a practice called "sexting." Sexting is the practice of sending suggestive pictures around via cell phones, email and other social networking media (IE MySpace, FaceBook, etc). This may seem like a new rite of passage but many in the law enforcement community look on it in a different way. Case and point. A NJ girl was recently arrested after she posted naked pictures of herself on her MySpace page in order to impress her boyfriend. She is being charged with distributing child pornography.
Sexting must be taken seriously by everyone. Our children have a lot to lose by sending naked pictures back and forth and pretty much nothing to gain. Kids convicted of child pornography because of sexting can be required to register as sex offenders. This will limit their ability to attend college, get gainful employment, babysit, volunteer in schools or churches. The list is too long.
The ACLU is taking up the case of sexting. Hopefully this will encourage law enforcement to take a softer approach with kids who practice this act. But parents need to do something too. We need to talk to our kids and let them know that the consequences for this seemingly minor engagement can be dire. We need to make sure they let us know if they receive any of these pictures and make clear what we plan to do when given this information. Will you call the sender's parents and let them know what's happening? Will you inform the school so information can be distributed to the community at large? Will you simply have your child delete the message and thank them for their openness?
All of these actions are acceptable. Sexting may seem to be a stupid act used to get attention. I won't get into the emotional issues that would cause a middle school student to distribute naked pictures of themselves. I am concerned with the major snowball effect this highly stupid activity can put into motion. As put by the director of the Ohio chapter of the ACLU, Jeffrey Gamso "Children do foolish things, and the remedy for foolish things is not criminal action. The remedy for what is going on, sexting, is not criminal prosecution. It is not delinquency prosecution. The remedy for this is education."
I encourage you to be the first place your kids get that education.
Welcome to My Blog
It has come to my attention several times over the past few years that our kids are a lot smarter than we are. We really do need to pay attention to what they do starting at a very young age.
Consider the following and answer honestly:
Consider the following and answer honestly:
- Do you completely understand the video game rating system? What is the difference between E, E-10 and T rated games?
- Do your kids have email accounts? Who have they given their email addresses to and how often do you check them?
- Do you know what MySpace, Twitter and Facebook are?
- Do you know what huffing, sexting, skittling and Smartie smoking are?
If you aren't confident that you are familiar with all the items on this list, that's okay. You aren't alone. Here's the good news, aside from your kids' email addresses, I am familiar with all the items on this list and I have created this blog to help demystify these things.
Check this space regularly to learn more about what your kids may be doing, the music, video games and movies they may be interested in and plenty of other things they may not want you to know.
Why am I doing this? Recently, a friend found a picture of a half naked girl on her son's cell phone (AKA sexting). She was shocked and disturbed by the image. She was even more disturbed that the private school, complete with an extensive Honor Code, had not bothered to inform the students about the dangers of this practice. It occurred to me that parents need a resource that will help them stay current on the "dark side" of pre-adolescence, adolescence and teen years.
Remember, an informed parent has safe children.
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