Bullying

While waiting in the Allergists office after my 7 year old had his shots yesterday, I picked up my guilty pleasure, People Magazine. I flipped through the photos of celebs, celebs and their kids, celebs shopping etc. I eventually got to an article that was perhaps one of the most tragic things I've read. It was about two 11 year old boys, one in Georgia and another in Massachusetts. Both boys were victims of bullying. They were regularly teased and taunted and called gay. It was clearly more than both boys could take. Each hung himself in his bedroom after school. Now their families are forced to go on without them.

My oldest son's name is Gabriel and he, too, is often called gay. Or kids drag out the first syllable of his name. He has come home from school more than once feeling quite angry over these mindless taunts. He stood up for himself once on the bus and got slapped in the face. This incident caused me to contact the school. The other child was made to apologize and according to my son, his taunter hasn't been on the bus since.

We spoke to both our sons about this incident and reminded them that words can't hurt and that unless someone threatens to harm you, it's simply best to ignore. Of course, secretly we are vigilant for signs that these careless remarks are getting to our son. We watch for signs of depression all the time because we have a huge family history of depression and this is just the kind of thing that would set it off.

Sadly, both moms regularly contacted the school to complain about the issues their children were confronting. It wasn't enough. Maybe being called gay was too great an insult. Maybe the bullies were really determined to make these kids lives hell. Maybe the victims were great at hiding their feelings. I don't know.

Here are some signs of depression in adolescents that we should all be watching for:

• Sadness or hopelessness
• Irritability, anger, or hostility
• Tearfulness or frequent crying
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Loss of interest in activities
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits
• Restlessness and agitation
• Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
• Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Here is a list of how adolescent depression differs from adult depression:
Irritable or angry mood – As noted above, irritability, rather than sadness, is often the predominant mood in depressed teens. A depressed teenager may be grumpy, hostile, easily frustrated, or prone to angry outbursts.

Unexplained aches and pains - Depressed teens frequently complain about physical ailments such as headaches or stomachaches. If a thorough physical exam does not reveal a medical cause, these aches and pains may indicate depression.

Extreme sensitivity to criticism - Depressed teens are plagued by feelings of worthlessness, making them extremely vulnerable to criticism, rejection, and failure. This is a particular problem for “over-achievers.”

Withdrawing from some, but not all people - While adults tend to isolate themselves when depressed, teenagers usually keep up at least some friendships. However, teens with depression may socialize less than before, pull away from their parents, or start hanging out with a different crowd.

I've included two links. One is a website that will help you understand depression, and the other is an article about Jaheem Herrera, one of the boys I mentioned earlier. Please read them both and let your school system know if your child is being victimized. But also make sure that you are taking care of the situation yourself by getting your child help to overcome the effects bullying can have.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/