If you live in Howard County, MD. you are aware that a football player at River Hill High School was killed over the weekend in a drunk driving accident. I don't think the details of his death are significant. Bottom line is he got in a vehicle with someone who should not have been driving and now he is gone. His family is suffering, the driver's family is suffering and an entire school is suffering today.
Now what? We put banged up cars in front of our schools as a warning to our kids that drinking and driving hurts. The school system begins discussing substance use and abuse in second grade when kids are introduced to the dangers of smoking. This is clearly not enough.
You, parents, have to talk to your own children. Make a pact. Let them know that you don't want the fear of punishment to cause them to get in a car that they can't drive or that someone else can't drive. Let them know that no matter the hour or the circumstances, they should call you for a ride home and you will come get them so that they will stay safe.
I'm sure that there are many families who would much rather have sacrificed an hour or so of sleep than their child.
My heart goes out to the Erdman and the Dankos families and to the staff and students at River Hill High School. You are in the thoughts and prayers of the entire community.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Bullying
While waiting in the Allergists office after my 7 year old had his shots yesterday, I picked up my guilty pleasure, People Magazine. I flipped through the photos of celebs, celebs and their kids, celebs shopping etc. I eventually got to an article that was perhaps one of the most tragic things I've read. It was about two 11 year old boys, one in Georgia and another in Massachusetts. Both boys were victims of bullying. They were regularly teased and taunted and called gay. It was clearly more than both boys could take. Each hung himself in his bedroom after school. Now their families are forced to go on without them.
My oldest son's name is Gabriel and he, too, is often called gay. Or kids drag out the first syllable of his name. He has come home from school more than once feeling quite angry over these mindless taunts. He stood up for himself once on the bus and got slapped in the face. This incident caused me to contact the school. The other child was made to apologize and according to my son, his taunter hasn't been on the bus since.
We spoke to both our sons about this incident and reminded them that words can't hurt and that unless someone threatens to harm you, it's simply best to ignore. Of course, secretly we are vigilant for signs that these careless remarks are getting to our son. We watch for signs of depression all the time because we have a huge family history of depression and this is just the kind of thing that would set it off.
Sadly, both moms regularly contacted the school to complain about the issues their children were confronting. It wasn't enough. Maybe being called gay was too great an insult. Maybe the bullies were really determined to make these kids lives hell. Maybe the victims were great at hiding their feelings. I don't know.
Here are some signs of depression in adolescents that we should all be watching for:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/
My oldest son's name is Gabriel and he, too, is often called gay. Or kids drag out the first syllable of his name. He has come home from school more than once feeling quite angry over these mindless taunts. He stood up for himself once on the bus and got slapped in the face. This incident caused me to contact the school. The other child was made to apologize and according to my son, his taunter hasn't been on the bus since.
We spoke to both our sons about this incident and reminded them that words can't hurt and that unless someone threatens to harm you, it's simply best to ignore. Of course, secretly we are vigilant for signs that these careless remarks are getting to our son. We watch for signs of depression all the time because we have a huge family history of depression and this is just the kind of thing that would set it off.
Sadly, both moms regularly contacted the school to complain about the issues their children were confronting. It wasn't enough. Maybe being called gay was too great an insult. Maybe the bullies were really determined to make these kids lives hell. Maybe the victims were great at hiding their feelings. I don't know.
Here are some signs of depression in adolescents that we should all be watching for:
- Sadness or hopelessness
- Irritability, anger, or hostility
- Tearfulness or frequent crying
- Withdrawal from friends and family
- Loss of interest in activities
- Changes in eating and sleeping habits
- Restlessness and agitation
- Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
- Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
- Fatigue or lack of energy
- Difficulty concentrating
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Here is a list of how adolescent depression differs from adult depression:
Irritable or angry mood – As noted above, irritability, rather than sadness, is often the predominant mood in depressed teens. A depressed teenager may be grumpy, hostile, easily frustrated, or prone to angry outbursts.
Unexplained aches and pains - Depressed teens frequently complain about physical ailments such as headaches or stomachaches. If a thorough physical exam does not reveal a medical cause, these aches and pains may indicate depression.
Extreme sensitivity to criticism - Depressed teens are plagued by feelings of worthlessness, making them extremely vulnerable to criticism, rejection, and failure. This is a particular problem for “over-achievers.”
Withdrawing from some, but not all people - While adults tend to isolate themselves when depressed, teenagers usually keep up at least some friendships. However, teens with depression may socialize less than before, pull away from their parents, or start hanging out with a different crowd.
I've included two links. One is a website that will help you understand depression, and the other is an article about Jaheem Herrera, one of the boys I mentioned earlier. Please read them both and let your school system know if your child is being victimized. But also make sure that you are taking care of the situation yourself by getting your child help to overcome the effects bullying can have.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/
Sunday, May 24, 2009
No is No
My son's 6th grade class recently attended a two night field trip at a local YMCA Camp. The field trip, called Outdoor Ed, is an opportunity to bond with classmates and apply some of their academics in a setting away from school.
As you can imagine, this adventure can be filled with drama. One of my friends attended this year as a volunteer nurse. It was her job to administer allergy medicine, tend to scrapes, falls, headaches etc. She was also one of the cabin chaperones. Wow! My friend is a saint, in case you were wondering.
Yesterday, as we gathered at the pool for the opening day of the season, my friend told us some of the tales of Outdoor Ed dating. There is a dance one night, and many of the kids had dates. This applied more in theory than practice. Many of the kids with dates didn't even speak to their dates, let alone dance with them. The question arose about what to do if someone you didn't like asked you to dance. My friend told the girls they could say no, but they needed to be polite about it.
My son had some issues with a girl earlier this year. He did not return her feelings and she enlisted friends to bombard him with questions about why for several weeks. His father and I told him to respond to the girls in the same way my friend told the girls to respond to the boys. Say no, but be nice.
Sadly, this didn't work for my son. The situation escalated to the point that one of the friends told him they would not leave him alone until he apologized. Evidently his politely worded rejection caused the girl who liked him to cry.
To make a long story short, guidance counselor contacted, girls spoken to about degrees of bullying, apologies issued, situation resolved.
No is no, regardless of the gender of the issuer. A boy should be able to say no to a girl without fear of reprisal as should a girl. We must teach our children to respect this word now, while they are in middle school or even younger. As they age and their relationships become more complex, "no" becomes something that, if not respected, has much more grave consequences.
Enjoy your day.
As you can imagine, this adventure can be filled with drama. One of my friends attended this year as a volunteer nurse. It was her job to administer allergy medicine, tend to scrapes, falls, headaches etc. She was also one of the cabin chaperones. Wow! My friend is a saint, in case you were wondering.
Yesterday, as we gathered at the pool for the opening day of the season, my friend told us some of the tales of Outdoor Ed dating. There is a dance one night, and many of the kids had dates. This applied more in theory than practice. Many of the kids with dates didn't even speak to their dates, let alone dance with them. The question arose about what to do if someone you didn't like asked you to dance. My friend told the girls they could say no, but they needed to be polite about it.
My son had some issues with a girl earlier this year. He did not return her feelings and she enlisted friends to bombard him with questions about why for several weeks. His father and I told him to respond to the girls in the same way my friend told the girls to respond to the boys. Say no, but be nice.
Sadly, this didn't work for my son. The situation escalated to the point that one of the friends told him they would not leave him alone until he apologized. Evidently his politely worded rejection caused the girl who liked him to cry.
To make a long story short, guidance counselor contacted, girls spoken to about degrees of bullying, apologies issued, situation resolved.
No is no, regardless of the gender of the issuer. A boy should be able to say no to a girl without fear of reprisal as should a girl. We must teach our children to respect this word now, while they are in middle school or even younger. As they age and their relationships become more complex, "no" becomes something that, if not respected, has much more grave consequences.
Enjoy your day.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Smoking is a Terrible Habit
Do you remember that little PSA that used to air in the 70's? "Smoking is a terrible habit...For a chipmunk, or a squirrel or a rabbit!" I wonder if my children would be influenced by fluffy little woodland animals warning them of the dangers of smoking? Our school system doesn't think so, I guess.
My son informed me yesterday that yesterday his middle school held an assembly about smoking. The featured speaker told the tale of how smoking had affected his family, with much of the emphasis of the story on his younger brother who took up smoking at the age of 8. The story unwove as the man went on to tell of his brother's fight with alcohol and drug addiction, his multiple, unsuccessful visits to rehab and his current 20 year sentence to prison for robbery; a crime most likely committed to help fund his addiction.
This sad tale was hugely impactful to my child. He left that assembly yesterday fully convinced that if he picks up one cigarette, he will end up in jail. As tempting as it was to leave him with this impression, I did have to explain a few things to him about addiction. At the dinner table, we talked about many different types of addiction from food to shopping, gambling to drugs. We talked about how that some people's brains are wired differently and how very difficult it is to overcome any type of addiction.
The last point I made was how terribly devastating addiction is. Recently, many young adults in Northern Virginia have been run through the court system, facing charges relating to their various roles in a heroin ring. Between the players in the ring and the victims who died from using the drugs, there were maybe 20 people who were severely affected by the group. I made the analogy to my son's reading class and told him that the size of the heroin group was the same size of his reading class. That meant that most of his reading class would be in jail and the rest would be dead. I asked him to think of all the friends, family members, teammates, etc that 20 people could have. We determined it was a pretty big group! I pointed out to him that was how many people were impacted by this drug ring, and that all those people suffered a devastating loss.
I am so lucky that my son is so open with me about what happens at school. I could easily have missed the opportunity to have a follow-up conversation with him at home since I don't recall any communication from the school that this assembly was occurring. I plan on contacting the school and urging them to be sure to give parents the chance to have these conversations by keeping us informed. I hope you will do the same.
Enjoy your day.
My son informed me yesterday that yesterday his middle school held an assembly about smoking. The featured speaker told the tale of how smoking had affected his family, with much of the emphasis of the story on his younger brother who took up smoking at the age of 8. The story unwove as the man went on to tell of his brother's fight with alcohol and drug addiction, his multiple, unsuccessful visits to rehab and his current 20 year sentence to prison for robbery; a crime most likely committed to help fund his addiction.
This sad tale was hugely impactful to my child. He left that assembly yesterday fully convinced that if he picks up one cigarette, he will end up in jail. As tempting as it was to leave him with this impression, I did have to explain a few things to him about addiction. At the dinner table, we talked about many different types of addiction from food to shopping, gambling to drugs. We talked about how that some people's brains are wired differently and how very difficult it is to overcome any type of addiction.
The last point I made was how terribly devastating addiction is. Recently, many young adults in Northern Virginia have been run through the court system, facing charges relating to their various roles in a heroin ring. Between the players in the ring and the victims who died from using the drugs, there were maybe 20 people who were severely affected by the group. I made the analogy to my son's reading class and told him that the size of the heroin group was the same size of his reading class. That meant that most of his reading class would be in jail and the rest would be dead. I asked him to think of all the friends, family members, teammates, etc that 20 people could have. We determined it was a pretty big group! I pointed out to him that was how many people were impacted by this drug ring, and that all those people suffered a devastating loss.
I am so lucky that my son is so open with me about what happens at school. I could easily have missed the opportunity to have a follow-up conversation with him at home since I don't recall any communication from the school that this assembly was occurring. I plan on contacting the school and urging them to be sure to give parents the chance to have these conversations by keeping us informed. I hope you will do the same.
Enjoy your day.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Free Speech Gone Awry
I have read two news items in recent days about a website that is the internet equivalent of a bathroom wall. It's called peoplesdirt and it's a forum board where teens, mainly in Montgomery County, MD, have been posting horribly disparaging remarks about each other.
This is where free speech becomes an issue in the hands of teens. Is posting scandalous comments about classmates' sexual antics, sexual preferences, drug, use, etc an acceptable use of the rights given to us by the founding fathers? Evidently it is. Efforts to permanently block peoplesdirt have failed. Schools have prevented students from accessing the site on school computers, but the efforts of parents to have the site shut down have failed.
Peopledirt administrator and co-founder Alfredo Castillo feels his site fills an important need for teens to anonymously express their feelings. In an interview in the Washington Post he states, "We understand that a lot of it might be false. . . . We have to allow people who know these individuals to judge what is right [and] what is not." Not according to one boy who was the target of some postings on the site. He said that many people who read the remarks assumed they were true and he was made an outcast.
Castillo ardently defends his site, especially since it was a posting on peoplesdirt that led to the arrest of a teen in Tennessee who threatened to kill students at Walt Whitman HS in Montgomery County. He states that his site prevented the shooting. Castillo said he cooperated with investigators, providing the IP address of the poster. Interestingly, the post hasn't been removed. Why? According to Castillo, no one has asked him to take it down. Also interesting is that there is no evidence in the interview with Castillo or in any of the stories about the threat to indicate that peoplesdirt notified the police of the threat. It seems that families of Whitman students did.
Even if peoplesdirt gets shut down, something else will replace it. Similar sites exist for college students and adults. As parents, we do need to be aware that sites like this are intriguing to our kids and discuss them. Our children need to know that words can hurt and that they should not engage in this type of gossip. They should also be encouraged to let an adult know if they are made aware of any type of communication that is threatening to others.
Recently, a man was arrested in Massachusetts for using Craigslist exotic services to find women, one of whom he allegedly killed. In response to pleas from law enforcement, Craiglist has changed its erotic services section to an adult's section which is monitored for inappropriate content. If sites like peoplesdirt want to exist as a forum for immature minds to spread gossip and innuendo, then perhaps they should be required by law to monitor postings more closely. The Whitman threat speaks volumes about the integrity of 23 year old Castillo. He didn't notify law enforcement and the posting is still on the site.
Talk to your kids about peoplesdirt and other internet forums where harmful information can be circulated. Let them know that this type of public gossip is harmful and inappropriate. Perhaps a lack of interest in these sites will shut them down.
This is where free speech becomes an issue in the hands of teens. Is posting scandalous comments about classmates' sexual antics, sexual preferences, drug, use, etc an acceptable use of the rights given to us by the founding fathers? Evidently it is. Efforts to permanently block peoplesdirt have failed. Schools have prevented students from accessing the site on school computers, but the efforts of parents to have the site shut down have failed.
Peopledirt administrator and co-founder Alfredo Castillo feels his site fills an important need for teens to anonymously express their feelings. In an interview in the Washington Post he states, "We understand that a lot of it might be false. . . . We have to allow people who know these individuals to judge what is right [and] what is not." Not according to one boy who was the target of some postings on the site. He said that many people who read the remarks assumed they were true and he was made an outcast.
Castillo ardently defends his site, especially since it was a posting on peoplesdirt that led to the arrest of a teen in Tennessee who threatened to kill students at Walt Whitman HS in Montgomery County. He states that his site prevented the shooting. Castillo said he cooperated with investigators, providing the IP address of the poster. Interestingly, the post hasn't been removed. Why? According to Castillo, no one has asked him to take it down. Also interesting is that there is no evidence in the interview with Castillo or in any of the stories about the threat to indicate that peoplesdirt notified the police of the threat. It seems that families of Whitman students did.
Even if peoplesdirt gets shut down, something else will replace it. Similar sites exist for college students and adults. As parents, we do need to be aware that sites like this are intriguing to our kids and discuss them. Our children need to know that words can hurt and that they should not engage in this type of gossip. They should also be encouraged to let an adult know if they are made aware of any type of communication that is threatening to others.
Recently, a man was arrested in Massachusetts for using Craigslist exotic services to find women, one of whom he allegedly killed. In response to pleas from law enforcement, Craiglist has changed its erotic services section to an adult's section which is monitored for inappropriate content. If sites like peoplesdirt want to exist as a forum for immature minds to spread gossip and innuendo, then perhaps they should be required by law to monitor postings more closely. The Whitman threat speaks volumes about the integrity of 23 year old Castillo. He didn't notify law enforcement and the posting is still on the site.
Talk to your kids about peoplesdirt and other internet forums where harmful information can be circulated. Let them know that this type of public gossip is harmful and inappropriate. Perhaps a lack of interest in these sites will shut them down.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
If it Happened to Her...
It can happen to your kids, too!
In case you have missed the hubbub this week, Miss California has come under fire for two reasons in recent weeks. First, when asked her thoughts on gay marriage, she said she feels marriage is for a man and a woman. I will not blast her view. I think it was bold of her to stand her ground. It is her belief and she stood by it. Carrie Prejean, I applaud you for this.
Round two sees semi-nude photos of a young Carrie surfacing on (drum roll please) the internet. According to an interview with a since dethroned former Miss Nevada 2007, Katie Rees, all Miss USA contestants have to sign a contract in which they are required to state whether there are any nude or semi-nude photos of them floating in cyberspace. She and Prejean both said their weren't. Both were either lying or forgot. Prejean's oversight was forgiven and she retained her title. Rees lost hers. I guess Prejean got lucky. Rees lost something that meant a lot to her.
It is likely Prejean just forgot, but I'm not getting into her morality here. The point I want to make is the permanency of cyberspace. It is so easy to forget that a photo here, a video there, a friend's snapshot of a drunken same-sex smooch at a college party, can and will come back to haunt you.
Ask your child, the one who screams when you accidentally invade their privacy in the bathroom, how they would feel if you, their parent, saw a picture of them naked on the computer? How about the neighbors, the family for whom they babysit, etc? If they give you the standard, "GROSS," don't miss the chance to follow up. Please remind your child that any pictures or videos of them will exist forever. Then also remind them that they may one day have a dispute with the person who retains control of the photos. That person may decide that Facebook, MySpace, or some other such Internet venue if the perfect place to exact their revenge.
Carrie Prejean is lucky for now. Her luck may change. Help keep your kid's luck in the right place.
Enjoy your day!
In case you have missed the hubbub this week, Miss California has come under fire for two reasons in recent weeks. First, when asked her thoughts on gay marriage, she said she feels marriage is for a man and a woman. I will not blast her view. I think it was bold of her to stand her ground. It is her belief and she stood by it. Carrie Prejean, I applaud you for this.
Round two sees semi-nude photos of a young Carrie surfacing on (drum roll please) the internet. According to an interview with a since dethroned former Miss Nevada 2007, Katie Rees, all Miss USA contestants have to sign a contract in which they are required to state whether there are any nude or semi-nude photos of them floating in cyberspace. She and Prejean both said their weren't. Both were either lying or forgot. Prejean's oversight was forgiven and she retained her title. Rees lost hers. I guess Prejean got lucky. Rees lost something that meant a lot to her.
It is likely Prejean just forgot, but I'm not getting into her morality here. The point I want to make is the permanency of cyberspace. It is so easy to forget that a photo here, a video there, a friend's snapshot of a drunken same-sex smooch at a college party, can and will come back to haunt you.
Ask your child, the one who screams when you accidentally invade their privacy in the bathroom, how they would feel if you, their parent, saw a picture of them naked on the computer? How about the neighbors, the family for whom they babysit, etc? If they give you the standard, "GROSS," don't miss the chance to follow up. Please remind your child that any pictures or videos of them will exist forever. Then also remind them that they may one day have a dispute with the person who retains control of the photos. That person may decide that Facebook, MySpace, or some other such Internet venue if the perfect place to exact their revenge.
Carrie Prejean is lucky for now. Her luck may change. Help keep your kid's luck in the right place.
Enjoy your day!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Bristol VS Levi
First, I want to say hello to my first follower! Hi! Thanks for reading. I hope you find my blog useful.
Now onto today's post. In the past few weeks, we've seen a lot of Bristol Palin and her baby's father, Levi Johnston. They've both made the rounds on various TV shows talking about teen parenting, each other, teen pregnancy, blah blah blah. All adults know that parenting is hard work. It is the never-ending, always challenging, mostly rewarding job for which your pay will not come in the form of a check. It will come in the kisses and hugs and love of your children. And if we do our job well, we will protect our children from having children before they are prepared.
I have never wavered from my position on Bristol Palin's pregnancy. I certainly agree with her that abstinence is the best way to avoid getting pregnant, but I will add that there is a responsibility of parents to be approachable and willing to discuss all issues relating to teen sex. I wonder if Sarah and Todd Palin did this?
On a recent episode of Oprah, there were two 14 year olds who were dating, along with their parents and the topic was sex. The two (barely) teenagers felt that their relationship had reached the point that they were ready to have sex. Oprah had a psychiatrist (?) on the show who asked the couple a few poignant questions. She first asked how long the two planned to be together. The girl said a long time. The boy said 6 months to a year which was very shocking to his girlfriend. In response to her horrified look, he said,"What? It is high school!"
Next, she asked how often they planned on having sex. Were they planning on having sex every time they could? The boy said he would leave that up to his girlfriend who had still not recovered from the love of her young life giving their relationship a death sentence.
The conversation went on with the kids but what I really appreciated about it was what the parents had to say. They clearly had spoken at length with their kids and recognized that if they wanted to have sex there was little that could be done to stop them. They made sure both kids knew the risks of disease and how effective different forms of birth control were. The boy's mother also said that she did everything she could to make sure the kids didn't have the opportunity to do anything while they were in her home, calling on friends and family to stop by unannounced in the afternoon before she came home from work.
Did these two extremely young kids have sex? Honestly, I don't know. I turned off the TV to make dinner or help with homework or some other parental task. I truly hope not. Here's what I learned though. Kids don't get sex. They don't understand the emotions that accompany it at all. They simply see it as a physical act. As parents, we need to ask the tough questions so they truly understand what they are getting themselves into. Here are some ideas for taking your next conversation about sex to the next level, thanks in part to Oprah.
1. Why do you want to have sex?
2. How long will you be together?
3. How often do you plan on having sex? Who will decide?
4. Who will be responsible for birth control (not you, by the way)?
5. If the girl does get pregnant, what will you do? Where will you live? How will you finish school? Who will care for the baby? Who will pay for the baby's needs?
As for Bristol and Levi, it is unclear what they are doing now. Bristol appears to be hitting the circuit as an ambassador of abstinence? Is this a paid job? Has she finished high school? Is she going to college? Is Levi able to see his son or is his relationship with the Palin's so fractured, he doesn't have the courage to be around them and therefore doesn't see his son?
Regardless of where they are, let their public drama become an example for you to share with your kids about how even the best intentions don't turn out the way people plan. Particularly people whose brains are still growing.
Enjoy your day!
Now onto today's post. In the past few weeks, we've seen a lot of Bristol Palin and her baby's father, Levi Johnston. They've both made the rounds on various TV shows talking about teen parenting, each other, teen pregnancy, blah blah blah. All adults know that parenting is hard work. It is the never-ending, always challenging, mostly rewarding job for which your pay will not come in the form of a check. It will come in the kisses and hugs and love of your children. And if we do our job well, we will protect our children from having children before they are prepared.
I have never wavered from my position on Bristol Palin's pregnancy. I certainly agree with her that abstinence is the best way to avoid getting pregnant, but I will add that there is a responsibility of parents to be approachable and willing to discuss all issues relating to teen sex. I wonder if Sarah and Todd Palin did this?
On a recent episode of Oprah, there were two 14 year olds who were dating, along with their parents and the topic was sex. The two (barely) teenagers felt that their relationship had reached the point that they were ready to have sex. Oprah had a psychiatrist (?) on the show who asked the couple a few poignant questions. She first asked how long the two planned to be together. The girl said a long time. The boy said 6 months to a year which was very shocking to his girlfriend. In response to her horrified look, he said,"What? It is high school!"
Next, she asked how often they planned on having sex. Were they planning on having sex every time they could? The boy said he would leave that up to his girlfriend who had still not recovered from the love of her young life giving their relationship a death sentence.
The conversation went on with the kids but what I really appreciated about it was what the parents had to say. They clearly had spoken at length with their kids and recognized that if they wanted to have sex there was little that could be done to stop them. They made sure both kids knew the risks of disease and how effective different forms of birth control were. The boy's mother also said that she did everything she could to make sure the kids didn't have the opportunity to do anything while they were in her home, calling on friends and family to stop by unannounced in the afternoon before she came home from work.
Did these two extremely young kids have sex? Honestly, I don't know. I turned off the TV to make dinner or help with homework or some other parental task. I truly hope not. Here's what I learned though. Kids don't get sex. They don't understand the emotions that accompany it at all. They simply see it as a physical act. As parents, we need to ask the tough questions so they truly understand what they are getting themselves into. Here are some ideas for taking your next conversation about sex to the next level, thanks in part to Oprah.
1. Why do you want to have sex?
2. How long will you be together?
3. How often do you plan on having sex? Who will decide?
4. Who will be responsible for birth control (not you, by the way)?
5. If the girl does get pregnant, what will you do? Where will you live? How will you finish school? Who will care for the baby? Who will pay for the baby's needs?
As for Bristol and Levi, it is unclear what they are doing now. Bristol appears to be hitting the circuit as an ambassador of abstinence? Is this a paid job? Has she finished high school? Is she going to college? Is Levi able to see his son or is his relationship with the Palin's so fractured, he doesn't have the courage to be around them and therefore doesn't see his son?
Regardless of where they are, let their public drama become an example for you to share with your kids about how even the best intentions don't turn out the way people plan. Particularly people whose brains are still growing.
Enjoy your day!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Quick Update
A friend of mine forwarded information on cell phone usage controls to the headmaster at her sons' Montgomery County private school. The headmaster had the information distributed to all parents. Refer to earlier posts on this blog for more information on what usage controls are. Contact your cell phone provider for more information.
Many Chatting Options
You may know about FaceBook and MySpace because there is a pretty good chance you use these social networking media yourself. I admit, they can be a fun way to catch up with friends from high school and college, and others with whom you have common interests.
Did you know that your kids can chat and interact with others through their video game consoles, too? Nintendo's Wii, DS, Microsoft Xbox and Sony Play Station 3 all connect wirelessly to the internet. That means if you have a wireless internet connection in your home, your kids are probably playing games online with friends from school and with people they have met online by playing the game. But, as I learned when I googled the term "wii chat" they can also hold IM sessions via the Wii. They can probably do so with other consoles as well.
I think it's important to let kids know where you stand with their leisure activities. You may be okay with your child logging on and playing Mario Kart with a kid in their science class. Interacting with peers outside of school helps our kids build bonds, work through social interactions and ultimately feel more confident about themselves, I do feel very strongly, though that a child's access to the internet needs to be closely monitored. You may think that your kid won't ever do anything questionable on the web, but there is a chance they will. I use as an example the 8th grade son of a friend who was downloading porn. Prior to the incident, my friend didn't feel the need for any type of parental controls. Now, obviously, she has them. I didn't ask if her 6th grade daughter saw any of the images.
So how do you set parental controls? Thankfully for parents, there are many people who have taken the time to put instructions for us right on the internet. There's a wonderful website called www.ehow.com that has lots of useful information. I browsed the directions for parental controls and it looks like, if you can use a Wii, you can set controls. Here are the eHow Wii parental control directions:
www.ehow.com/how_2324319_use-wiis-parental-controls.html
You can block access to the internet, ratings of games you allow your kids to play, access to message boards and use of Wii points.
You may think I am the least trusting parent around. I have recommended limiting features kids can access on cell phones and now I am advocating the same for video game systems. I do trust my kids, but they are kids. Things they would never dream of doing suddenly start to happen because they see it on TV or hear others discussing it at school. I would prefer my child is safely using all his toys.
Thanks and enjoy your day!
Did you know that your kids can chat and interact with others through their video game consoles, too? Nintendo's Wii, DS, Microsoft Xbox and Sony Play Station 3 all connect wirelessly to the internet. That means if you have a wireless internet connection in your home, your kids are probably playing games online with friends from school and with people they have met online by playing the game. But, as I learned when I googled the term "wii chat" they can also hold IM sessions via the Wii. They can probably do so with other consoles as well.
I think it's important to let kids know where you stand with their leisure activities. You may be okay with your child logging on and playing Mario Kart with a kid in their science class. Interacting with peers outside of school helps our kids build bonds, work through social interactions and ultimately feel more confident about themselves, I do feel very strongly, though that a child's access to the internet needs to be closely monitored. You may think that your kid won't ever do anything questionable on the web, but there is a chance they will. I use as an example the 8th grade son of a friend who was downloading porn. Prior to the incident, my friend didn't feel the need for any type of parental controls. Now, obviously, she has them. I didn't ask if her 6th grade daughter saw any of the images.
So how do you set parental controls? Thankfully for parents, there are many people who have taken the time to put instructions for us right on the internet. There's a wonderful website called www.ehow.com that has lots of useful information. I browsed the directions for parental controls and it looks like, if you can use a Wii, you can set controls. Here are the eHow Wii parental control directions:
www.ehow.com/how_2324319_use-wiis-parental-controls.html
You can block access to the internet, ratings of games you allow your kids to play, access to message boards and use of Wii points.
You may think I am the least trusting parent around. I have recommended limiting features kids can access on cell phones and now I am advocating the same for video game systems. I do trust my kids, but they are kids. Things they would never dream of doing suddenly start to happen because they see it on TV or hear others discussing it at school. I would prefer my child is safely using all his toys.
Thanks and enjoy your day!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Last Word On Sexting
I hope this is my last post on sexting. I have spent the week reading blogs that mention sexting and there are a couple of main themes that keep surfacing, one is that our kids' futures will be destroyed if someone sends them a picture and the other one is that there is so little we can do because our kids are so much more savvy than we are when it comes to technology.
I am astounded at the lack of parenting both these themes represent. I mentioned before, and I've spent the week commenting on other blogs, call your cell phone provider! You can turn off text messaging and picture messaging. You can limit the time of day your child uses their phone. You can limit to and from whom your child receives calls. Concerned your child will be a social outcast? Then maybe you should stop trying to be their friend and start being their parent. I spoke to a friend this week and she told me that her daughter's new boyfriend doesn't have text messaging so instead of spending their time apart texting back and forth, they talk. My friend said her daughter has a better relationship with this boy because he understands her better. He understands what the inflections in her voice mean. There is a benefit to encouraging our children to communicate old school.
As for the general lack of understanding of technology, you better start learning. My first grader did a report on dinosaurs and used the computer to do research. If you have wi-fi in your home, your video game systems probably connect to the internet. Your kids can play their games with friends and they can also play with people they don't know. It is up to you to control these devices. In coming posts I will provide information on how to set controls on various game systems, explain more about My Space, Facebook, file sharing etc.
It isn't up to the police or the schools to educate our kids on the dangers of the internet, etc. It's our job as their parents. I'm happy to help you as a source of information.
Enjoy your day.
I am astounded at the lack of parenting both these themes represent. I mentioned before, and I've spent the week commenting on other blogs, call your cell phone provider! You can turn off text messaging and picture messaging. You can limit the time of day your child uses their phone. You can limit to and from whom your child receives calls. Concerned your child will be a social outcast? Then maybe you should stop trying to be their friend and start being their parent. I spoke to a friend this week and she told me that her daughter's new boyfriend doesn't have text messaging so instead of spending their time apart texting back and forth, they talk. My friend said her daughter has a better relationship with this boy because he understands her better. He understands what the inflections in her voice mean. There is a benefit to encouraging our children to communicate old school.
As for the general lack of understanding of technology, you better start learning. My first grader did a report on dinosaurs and used the computer to do research. If you have wi-fi in your home, your video game systems probably connect to the internet. Your kids can play their games with friends and they can also play with people they don't know. It is up to you to control these devices. In coming posts I will provide information on how to set controls on various game systems, explain more about My Space, Facebook, file sharing etc.
It isn't up to the police or the schools to educate our kids on the dangers of the internet, etc. It's our job as their parents. I'm happy to help you as a source of information.
Enjoy your day.
Monday, April 20, 2009
More on Sexting
Dr. Phil had an excellent show on last week that addressed the issue of sexting. He spoke to members of two families impacted by the issue. I didn't see the whole show, but I saw the father of a boy who is facing charges for forwarding a picture he received. The father stated that it is the responsibility of parents, schools and the cell phone providers to do something about this issue.
I live in Howard County, MD and the police sent an alert about sexting to parents of middle and high school students. They also prepared a PSA that was shown to high school students. In Fairfax County, VA, there will be a forum tonight to help educate families on what they can do to protect their children from falling into the sexting trap.
When: Monday, April 20, 7-9 p.m.
Where: Kingstowne Library, 6500 Lansdowne Centre, Alexandria
More information: 703-246-3271
Cell Phone Companies Provide Solutions, Too
After the father on Dr. Phil mentioned cell phone providers, I became curious about exactly what companies like Verizon, AT&T and Sprint are doing to combat this issue. I called Verizon and spoke to an incredibly knowledgeable woman. While Verizon doesn't provide educational materials on teen cell phone use, they do have an incredible range of usage controls. Simply put, you can pretty much turn your kid's phone into a paperweight. For a fee of $4.99 a month, you can limit all features, including picture and text messaging, Internet use, who your child can call and receive calls from, times they can use their phones. The list is limited to your imagination. I checked with Sprint and AT&T and they also have many parental control features.
The solution is in our hands as parents. There are many scary stories that you can share with your teens on the consequences of sexting. The cell phone companies make it very easy to control how your child uses their phone, but you do have to take the time to put the controls in place. My phone-free 12 year old heard me talking to Verizon and asked me if I was going to limit the way he used his phone (when he gets one) and I told him I was. Of course he looked annoyed until I asked him a few questions. Earlier this year, he was the subject of some unwanted attention from a female classmate. I asked him if he wanted that classmate calling him dozens of times a day and sending him pictures of herself in underwear or less. He replied emphatically, "NO!" I then told him that is exactly why his usage would be limited. He was truly relieved.
I urge you to look into these controls for your kids' phones. Our kids may spin circles around us when it comes to their knowledge of electronic media, but they do not yet have the life experience to understand the responsibility that comes with that knowledge, or the possible consequences of inappropriate use.
I live in Howard County, MD and the police sent an alert about sexting to parents of middle and high school students. They also prepared a PSA that was shown to high school students. In Fairfax County, VA, there will be a forum tonight to help educate families on what they can do to protect their children from falling into the sexting trap.
When: Monday, April 20, 7-9 p.m.
Where: Kingstowne Library, 6500 Lansdowne Centre, Alexandria
More information: 703-246-3271
Cell Phone Companies Provide Solutions, Too
After the father on Dr. Phil mentioned cell phone providers, I became curious about exactly what companies like Verizon, AT&T and Sprint are doing to combat this issue. I called Verizon and spoke to an incredibly knowledgeable woman. While Verizon doesn't provide educational materials on teen cell phone use, they do have an incredible range of usage controls. Simply put, you can pretty much turn your kid's phone into a paperweight. For a fee of $4.99 a month, you can limit all features, including picture and text messaging, Internet use, who your child can call and receive calls from, times they can use their phones. The list is limited to your imagination. I checked with Sprint and AT&T and they also have many parental control features.
The solution is in our hands as parents. There are many scary stories that you can share with your teens on the consequences of sexting. The cell phone companies make it very easy to control how your child uses their phone, but you do have to take the time to put the controls in place. My phone-free 12 year old heard me talking to Verizon and asked me if I was going to limit the way he used his phone (when he gets one) and I told him I was. Of course he looked annoyed until I asked him a few questions. Earlier this year, he was the subject of some unwanted attention from a female classmate. I asked him if he wanted that classmate calling him dozens of times a day and sending him pictures of herself in underwear or less. He replied emphatically, "NO!" I then told him that is exactly why his usage would be limited. He was truly relieved.
I urge you to look into these controls for your kids' phones. Our kids may spin circles around us when it comes to their knowledge of electronic media, but they do not yet have the life experience to understand the responsibility that comes with that knowledge, or the possible consequences of inappropriate use.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Prescription Drug Abuse and Teens
Our kids are pretty smart. They've learned they don't need to head to the street to buy drugs. They can head right to the medicine cabinet in their own home. There are plenty of choices, all free! And kids perceive these drugs to be safe because they find them in their won homes. The pain medication you got after you threw out your back produces a great heroin-like high. The ADHD medication that little brother takes is a stimulant that can give you a ton of energy.
There are some pretty alarming statistics on the Partnership for a Drug Free America website.
There are some pretty alarming statistics on the Partnership for a Drug Free America website.
- 1 in 5 teens has abused a prescription (Rx) pain medication
- 1 in 5 report abusing prescription stimulants and tranquilizers
- 1 in 10 has abused cough medication
Gather a group of ten kids, or better yet, look at how many kids are on your son or daughter's soccer team, in their math class, etc. About 20? Four of those kids have abused prescription drugs and two of them have abused cough medicine.
Where do kids learn about this stuff? From each other. Check out YouTube. You will be horrified at the number of stupid things you can see kids doing. I've seen videos of kids sniffing chili powder, smoking smarties, and lighting hairspray on fire.
So what do parents do?
1. Talk to your kids about the dangers of abusing drugs of all kinds. Do it when a commercial about drug abuse comes on TV. Do it when they bring materials home from school. Do it when you see an article in the paper about a kid who died from abusing drugs. It won't be easy, but it's necessary. There are plenty of scripts available for you on the Internet if you can't figure out what to say.
2. Keep drugs in your home in a safe place. My mom used to lock the medicine cabinet in my childhood home. I'm not sure this is necessary. Just make sure these drugs aren't next to the plates in the cupboard or in a medicine cabinet in a bathroom guests use.
3. Educate yourself. This should probably be point one. Websites providing information on drug abuse are bountiful. Familiarize yourself with them. Know what your kids know. If you don't know where to start, go to this website. http://www.drugfree.org.
Last, here is a story that will help you understand how important it is that you educate yourself and your family about prescription drug abuse. To summarize, a 12 year old boy addresses his class about how it felt to lose his 18 year old brother to a drug overdose when he was 9. His brother was sold a fentanyl patch, a very strong pain medication in patch form used by cancer patients. The scary thing about fentanyl is that it's so strong, if you don't have pain issues, it will kill you. You guessed it. The boy died. Here is his brother's story. http://www.drugfree.org/Memorials/Josh_Pelick
Thanks for listening and keeping your family safe.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Video Game Ratings Decoded
I have been to pick up my son from friends homes and have been a little horrified to find them playing M rated video games. While part of me wants to let the parents know about the extensive information about video game ratings available to them on the ESRB website, I rarely do.
In this post, I will summarize the ratings process and explain the difference between the different video game ratings.
Before a video game is released for sale, the makers submit a sample of the game with all pertinent content (including content that can be unlocked) to the ESRB (Entertainment Software Ratings Board) for review. A panel of 3 trained reviewers who have some experience with children review the content. Similar games (like previous games with similar titles such as the Need for Speed series) are compared and a rating is assigned. The rating can be appealed by the manufacturer in which case, the process starts all over again.
Prior to a game being released for sale, the actual game must be reviewed by the ESRB to ensure that the real thing has been assigned the appropriate rating.
In addition to the RP (rating pending) designation, there are 6 ratings you may find on entertainment software.
First is EC, early childhood. This rating is usually on games intended for children 3 and older with absolutely nothing that anyone could find objectionable (Barney doesn't count).
Next is E. E games are for children 6 and older. There is usually a little bit of cartoon or fantasy violence and maybe some mild language. In my experience, the violence in these games usually involves someone falling down.
E-10 somes next, and are intended for kids 10 and up. E-10 games add a mildly suggestive themes and a bit more violence. Some of the car racing games my kids have are E-10. The suggestive themes include girls in tight clothing kissing boys on the cheek. The added violence is really very minor. In fact, it's so minor I can find no way to describe the difference.
T follows E-10. T games are for those 13 and older. Language gets stronger, violence often involves more realistic looking characters, and suggestive themes are a little more pronounced. Guitar Hero & Rock Band are both rated T due to the lyrics in the songs and the images of the musicians. The main difference I see between E-10 and T is that when characters fall, there is blood. I have allowed my 12 year old to play some T rated games. We have told him that we need to check them out before he buys them and that there is a chance some may still not be appropriate for him.
M is for players 17 and over. This is the R rating of the video game industry. Violence, suggestive themes, language are similar to what you may find in an R movie.
Finally, AO is for Adults Only. This is video game porn. If you have an adult in your home who plays video games, store them out of reach of children. Titles in this category have longer scenes of violence, sex, strong language and nudity.
The ESRB website has a ton of very cool information about games. You can search by title to get detailed information about games your family may own or your kids may want to own. You can also sign up for an email that will provide you with information on recently rated and released games. http://www.esrb.org
That's all for today. Make it a great one.
In this post, I will summarize the ratings process and explain the difference between the different video game ratings.
Before a video game is released for sale, the makers submit a sample of the game with all pertinent content (including content that can be unlocked) to the ESRB (Entertainment Software Ratings Board) for review. A panel of 3 trained reviewers who have some experience with children review the content. Similar games (like previous games with similar titles such as the Need for Speed series) are compared and a rating is assigned. The rating can be appealed by the manufacturer in which case, the process starts all over again.
Prior to a game being released for sale, the actual game must be reviewed by the ESRB to ensure that the real thing has been assigned the appropriate rating.
In addition to the RP (rating pending) designation, there are 6 ratings you may find on entertainment software.
First is EC, early childhood. This rating is usually on games intended for children 3 and older with absolutely nothing that anyone could find objectionable (Barney doesn't count).
Next is E. E games are for children 6 and older. There is usually a little bit of cartoon or fantasy violence and maybe some mild language. In my experience, the violence in these games usually involves someone falling down.
E-10 somes next, and are intended for kids 10 and up. E-10 games add a mildly suggestive themes and a bit more violence. Some of the car racing games my kids have are E-10. The suggestive themes include girls in tight clothing kissing boys on the cheek. The added violence is really very minor. In fact, it's so minor I can find no way to describe the difference.
T follows E-10. T games are for those 13 and older. Language gets stronger, violence often involves more realistic looking characters, and suggestive themes are a little more pronounced. Guitar Hero & Rock Band are both rated T due to the lyrics in the songs and the images of the musicians. The main difference I see between E-10 and T is that when characters fall, there is blood. I have allowed my 12 year old to play some T rated games. We have told him that we need to check them out before he buys them and that there is a chance some may still not be appropriate for him.
M is for players 17 and over. This is the R rating of the video game industry. Violence, suggestive themes, language are similar to what you may find in an R movie.
Finally, AO is for Adults Only. This is video game porn. If you have an adult in your home who plays video games, store them out of reach of children. Titles in this category have longer scenes of violence, sex, strong language and nudity.
The ESRB website has a ton of very cool information about games. You can search by title to get detailed information about games your family may own or your kids may want to own. You can also sign up for an email that will provide you with information on recently rated and released games. http://www.esrb.org
That's all for today. Make it a great one.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sexting and Teens
According to my 12 year old, he is the only child his age in the world who doesn't have a cell phone. A slight exaggeration at best. While statistics on cell phone use among those 11 and up are not easy to find, you simply need to look around you to see that most middle school and high school students have cell phones. They report that their phones are important way to stay connected to friends, mostly via texting. Some parents report too, that they have learned to embrace texting as a way to stay in touch with their kids. They even like that they feel cool staying connected using this 21st century medium.
Of course, cameras on cell phones are pretty much standard today. I admit to loving the convenience of my cell phone camera. It's so much easier to take a picture with my cell phone, email to myself and then send it to friends and family than it is with my regular digital camera. Cell phone cameras are the polaroids of our kid's generation.
Sadly, our kids may understand the technology of the camera but they don't understand the legal issues that lurk behind them. I am referring to a practice called "sexting." Sexting is the practice of sending suggestive pictures around via cell phones, email and other social networking media (IE MySpace, FaceBook, etc). This may seem like a new rite of passage but many in the law enforcement community look on it in a different way. Case and point. A NJ girl was recently arrested after she posted naked pictures of herself on her MySpace page in order to impress her boyfriend. She is being charged with distributing child pornography.
Sexting must be taken seriously by everyone. Our children have a lot to lose by sending naked pictures back and forth and pretty much nothing to gain. Kids convicted of child pornography because of sexting can be required to register as sex offenders. This will limit their ability to attend college, get gainful employment, babysit, volunteer in schools or churches. The list is too long.
The ACLU is taking up the case of sexting. Hopefully this will encourage law enforcement to take a softer approach with kids who practice this act. But parents need to do something too. We need to talk to our kids and let them know that the consequences for this seemingly minor engagement can be dire. We need to make sure they let us know if they receive any of these pictures and make clear what we plan to do when given this information. Will you call the sender's parents and let them know what's happening? Will you inform the school so information can be distributed to the community at large? Will you simply have your child delete the message and thank them for their openness?
All of these actions are acceptable. Sexting may seem to be a stupid act used to get attention. I won't get into the emotional issues that would cause a middle school student to distribute naked pictures of themselves. I am concerned with the major snowball effect this highly stupid activity can put into motion. As put by the director of the Ohio chapter of the ACLU, Jeffrey Gamso "Children do foolish things, and the remedy for foolish things is not criminal action. The remedy for what is going on, sexting, is not criminal prosecution. It is not delinquency prosecution. The remedy for this is education."
I encourage you to be the first place your kids get that education.
Of course, cameras on cell phones are pretty much standard today. I admit to loving the convenience of my cell phone camera. It's so much easier to take a picture with my cell phone, email to myself and then send it to friends and family than it is with my regular digital camera. Cell phone cameras are the polaroids of our kid's generation.
Sadly, our kids may understand the technology of the camera but they don't understand the legal issues that lurk behind them. I am referring to a practice called "sexting." Sexting is the practice of sending suggestive pictures around via cell phones, email and other social networking media (IE MySpace, FaceBook, etc). This may seem like a new rite of passage but many in the law enforcement community look on it in a different way. Case and point. A NJ girl was recently arrested after she posted naked pictures of herself on her MySpace page in order to impress her boyfriend. She is being charged with distributing child pornography.
Sexting must be taken seriously by everyone. Our children have a lot to lose by sending naked pictures back and forth and pretty much nothing to gain. Kids convicted of child pornography because of sexting can be required to register as sex offenders. This will limit their ability to attend college, get gainful employment, babysit, volunteer in schools or churches. The list is too long.
The ACLU is taking up the case of sexting. Hopefully this will encourage law enforcement to take a softer approach with kids who practice this act. But parents need to do something too. We need to talk to our kids and let them know that the consequences for this seemingly minor engagement can be dire. We need to make sure they let us know if they receive any of these pictures and make clear what we plan to do when given this information. Will you call the sender's parents and let them know what's happening? Will you inform the school so information can be distributed to the community at large? Will you simply have your child delete the message and thank them for their openness?
All of these actions are acceptable. Sexting may seem to be a stupid act used to get attention. I won't get into the emotional issues that would cause a middle school student to distribute naked pictures of themselves. I am concerned with the major snowball effect this highly stupid activity can put into motion. As put by the director of the Ohio chapter of the ACLU, Jeffrey Gamso "Children do foolish things, and the remedy for foolish things is not criminal action. The remedy for what is going on, sexting, is not criminal prosecution. It is not delinquency prosecution. The remedy for this is education."
I encourage you to be the first place your kids get that education.
Welcome to My Blog
It has come to my attention several times over the past few years that our kids are a lot smarter than we are. We really do need to pay attention to what they do starting at a very young age.
Consider the following and answer honestly:
Consider the following and answer honestly:
- Do you completely understand the video game rating system? What is the difference between E, E-10 and T rated games?
- Do your kids have email accounts? Who have they given their email addresses to and how often do you check them?
- Do you know what MySpace, Twitter and Facebook are?
- Do you know what huffing, sexting, skittling and Smartie smoking are?
If you aren't confident that you are familiar with all the items on this list, that's okay. You aren't alone. Here's the good news, aside from your kids' email addresses, I am familiar with all the items on this list and I have created this blog to help demystify these things.
Check this space regularly to learn more about what your kids may be doing, the music, video games and movies they may be interested in and plenty of other things they may not want you to know.
Why am I doing this? Recently, a friend found a picture of a half naked girl on her son's cell phone (AKA sexting). She was shocked and disturbed by the image. She was even more disturbed that the private school, complete with an extensive Honor Code, had not bothered to inform the students about the dangers of this practice. It occurred to me that parents need a resource that will help them stay current on the "dark side" of pre-adolescence, adolescence and teen years.
Remember, an informed parent has safe children.
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